Hmm... Decided to write an entry though I'm supposed to go to bed.
My life changed drastically ever since Polytechnic life started. Everything's just happening too fast, I don't have time to react. All I can do is to accept the way things are and carry on with life a step at a time. Am trying to juggle with school, training and work. -sigh- I don't know. I just feel empty at times. It's like, I'm there but not there, I'm here but not here. My mind's just too busy handling with everything that I can't concentrate or feel comfortable doing anything. Do you even know what I'm talking about? It's as though I have not accomplished anything for the past few months. There's no time for me to recover and be myself.
Damn. How I miss Secondary school days. They were so much more... Stress-free and relaxing. Not the studying part of course, everything else a part from that. Not that I was a good student right from the start. Haha. At least I knew what I was doing and my mind was always with me. I felt happy then. I guess those were the only times I could actually smile and laugh right from the bottom of my heart and show true emotions. Even if things were going wrong... I still felt real. Much as I don't want to admit, I actually looked forward to seeing those silly schoolmates of mine and attending classes taught by irritating but somewhat cute teachers. Get home, watch some television, or spend some time with my family or friends. For now? All I do is to wait for the days to pass and accept what ever that comes along with it. I go to school for the sake of going to school, go to work for the sake of going to work. What is it that I really want? That's the question. I don't know. I'm utterly confused with myself and half the time I don't know what am I doing.
It appears that I can't seem to connect with people now a days. Schoolmates are just schoolmates, colleagues are just colleagues. It's sad but true. I feel so... Out of place. This might have resulted from the lack of quality time spent with certain people. Not much time to bond I guess? There are few I could turn to. Probably because I can't seem to actually place my trust in anyone now? Of course, I know there are people willing to share my joys and woes.
Royalties, I just want to let you guys know that I have not forgotten any of you and will never ever do so. You guys have played an important role in my life and brought out the friendly side of me. Haha. I was so bloody stuck up and cold back in lower secondary, but you guys changed me.
Sheena, you too. I was really glad to know that you still thought about me and wanted to contact me. You're one of the few non-Royalties that I could turn to anytime. Though we haven't had the chance to talk much, you still have a place in my heart. Thanks for cheering me up yesterday, it helped a lot.
I guess the only thing I turn to now is training. Hmm... I don't know. It keeps my mind off everything. The seniors definitely played a huge role. I feel really comfortable with them around. Probably cause we have the same interest and target? Somehow, they seem to react and behave pretty much like Cedarians. Just a thought! Haha.
It's time I set things straight and clear my mind off everything. Just like what Ah Huat used to say. 'When you sit don't stand, when you work don't rest.' I forgot the exact words he used. But it means when you do something, concentrate on doing it and forget about everything else. When you train, train hard. When you rest, keep your mind off everything else. Is that how one lives their life to the fullest? Maybe.
Alright. Enough ramblings. Time for me to get to bed.
My life changed drastically ever since Polytechnic life started. Everything's just happening too fast, I don't have time to react. All I can do is to accept the way things are and carry on with life a step at a time. Am trying to juggle with school, training and work. -sigh- I don't know. I just feel empty at times. It's like, I'm there but not there, I'm here but not here. My mind's just too busy handling with everything that I can't concentrate or feel comfortable doing anything. Do you even know what I'm talking about? It's as though I have not accomplished anything for the past few months. There's no time for me to recover and be myself.
Damn. How I miss Secondary school days. They were so much more... Stress-free and relaxing. Not the studying part of course, everything else a part from that. Not that I was a good student right from the start. Haha. At least I knew what I was doing and my mind was always with me. I felt happy then. I guess those were the only times I could actually smile and laugh right from the bottom of my heart and show true emotions. Even if things were going wrong... I still felt real. Much as I don't want to admit, I actually looked forward to seeing those silly schoolmates of mine and attending classes taught by irritating but somewhat cute teachers. Get home, watch some television, or spend some time with my family or friends. For now? All I do is to wait for the days to pass and accept what ever that comes along with it. I go to school for the sake of going to school, go to work for the sake of going to work. What is it that I really want? That's the question. I don't know. I'm utterly confused with myself and half the time I don't know what am I doing.
It appears that I can't seem to connect with people now a days. Schoolmates are just schoolmates, colleagues are just colleagues. It's sad but true. I feel so... Out of place. This might have resulted from the lack of quality time spent with certain people. Not much time to bond I guess? There are few I could turn to. Probably because I can't seem to actually place my trust in anyone now? Of course, I know there are people willing to share my joys and woes.
Royalties, I just want to let you guys know that I have not forgotten any of you and will never ever do so. You guys have played an important role in my life and brought out the friendly side of me. Haha. I was so bloody stuck up and cold back in lower secondary, but you guys changed me.
Sheena, you too. I was really glad to know that you still thought about me and wanted to contact me. You're one of the few non-Royalties that I could turn to anytime. Though we haven't had the chance to talk much, you still have a place in my heart. Thanks for cheering me up yesterday, it helped a lot.
I guess the only thing I turn to now is training. Hmm... I don't know. It keeps my mind off everything. The seniors definitely played a huge role. I feel really comfortable with them around. Probably cause we have the same interest and target? Somehow, they seem to react and behave pretty much like Cedarians. Just a thought! Haha.
It's time I set things straight and clear my mind off everything. Just like what Ah Huat used to say. 'When you sit don't stand, when you work don't rest.' I forgot the exact words he used. But it means when you do something, concentrate on doing it and forget about everything else. When you train, train hard. When you rest, keep your mind off everything else. Is that how one lives their life to the fullest? Maybe.
Alright. Enough ramblings. Time for me to get to bed.
posted by melch at 11:36 PM
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